Grandparents are an important part of a family. There are many types of people who are grandparents, and there are many roles a grandparent can play.
Types of Grandparents
In 1965, a study conducted at the University of Chicago by Bernice Neugarten, a leading gerontologist at the time, on the different types of grandparents.
It divided grandparents into five different types and categorized them as follows:
A formal grandparent is what most of us think of when we hear the word “grandma” or “grandpa.” They have a traditional role such as being a background support to parents and children alike.
These grandparents are typically not involved in things like decision making, yet still play a vital part in the life of the parents and child.
This type of grandparent maintains a good balance by being a listening ear when needed, and encouraging the relationship between the parent and child.
Formal grandparents should be careful to avoid coming across as too pushy, and always back up to the rules of the parents.
This is the type of grandparent that is all about fun! Planning fun outings with their grandchildren, their grandchildren know they will always have a good time when together.
The things this grandparent needs to keep in mind is to make sure they are not undermining decisions the parents have made for their child.
A “fun seeker” also needs to be sure that they don’t exhaust themselves while trying to keep a non-stop party going.
A grandparent in this role is one who has taken over the care-taking of the grandchild. Sometimes the role is informal when the parent is feeling exhausted in their parenting role and a grandparent steps in and takes over.
Other times, it is a formal and legal arrangement for a parent who is unable to care for their child for any reason. This can be due to drug abuse, neglect, parental death, etc.
A grandparent acting as a surrogate parent needs to take steps to find support for themselves in order to avoid burnout. Even a natural parent needs a break every now and then.
A grandparent needs this even more, due to increased age and possible details surrounding the reason their grandchildren are with them.
A grandparent in this role has the responsibility to maintain boundaries and rules that would not be necessary in a formal grandparent’s role.
As the parental figure for their grandchild, they need to provide structure and discipline to help their grandchildren thrive.
Reservoir of Family Wisdom
This role is can often be played by the grandfather, although grandmothers occasionally find themselves in this role as well.
This figure tends to act as the authority of the family, and gives advice to all. They even manage to keep control over their grown children.
This grandparent must learn to be respectful of boundaries and not overstep the parent-child relationship.
A grandparent in this role plays a very small role in the life of their grandchild. They basically show up on holidays and special occasions.
A grandparent in this role should see if there is any way to get more involved with their grandchildren, and be sure the distance is not caused by something they have done themselves.
There are many types of grandparents, but all are important. Depending on your family situation, you will notice that grandparents lean more closely towards one type than another.
Decide how you want things to be and take action to create the kind of grandparent role that is most beneficial for your family.
What type of grandparent are you?
Or which type do you think you’ll be?
I’m only about 6 months into this journey, but I think Colby and I are both leaning towards the “fun seeker” style. After raising five of our own, we’re ready to sit back and have some fun with the next generation!