Are you the type of person that appreciates having a good plan? You like to know what to expect, have a goal to work towards, and have some sort of method to the madness? Is your partner the same?

Or perhaps your partner isn’t the planner, but loves you enough to go along with your plan. I feel like that best describes my husband. He is a willing (usually cheerful) participant in my program.

I like having a plan mostly because I hate surprises. So, before I start living my dreams, I have to plan them.

And, along the way to meeting my goals, I need to check in on the progress.

I mean, are we making progress? Like REALLY making it. Or are we dialing it and going through the motions in order to continue with forward motion?

How do I make a relationship plan?

Most couples wait until the relationship starts to break down before trying to fix things. This could be where you are currently. We’ve been there. We get.

Perhaps it’s why we like to encourage more of a maintenance mentality rather than a quick-fix, in-the-moment, way of doing things.

Be proactive rather than reactive.

Whatever cliché you can throw at it, just do it.

So, what is “it”?

“It” is about what happens between saying, “I do,” and screaming, “I don’t!“

It’s staying out of the ruts and putting together a relationship plan.

What should a couple plan?

Excellent question! One there could be many answers to. The best way to know what will work for you and your partner is to ask.

Talking, openly and honestly, about your relationship is important for two reasons:

It keeps the lines of communication open and allows you to talk regularly about how you feel your relationship is progressing.
You can check in with your partner to determine what’s working and what needs to change.

Your relationship is going to change. As you grow and mature, you change. Your relationship will naturally evolve as well.

Being able to ask each other questions and adjust the way things are done along the way will keep you both heading in the same direction.

Use conversation starters to discover new things about your partner and take a deep dive into what they enjoy, have experienced, and want for the future.

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How do couples make goals?

After you’ve talked about some of the things you would like to accomplish, work together to plan date nights and a couple’s bucket list to make these shared ideas come to life.

Sit down and create a manageable schedule that allows you both a tangible way to take steps toward your shared goals.

How do you build a healthy relationship?

No matter where you are in your couple journey, the most important way we’ve discovered to maintain a healthy relationship is through communication.

Communication is key.

Yes. Another cliché. But I firmly believe in this one. You’ll find that when communication breaks down between you, things begin to fall apart.

Bottom line: An open, honest line of communication is one of the most important aspects on any relationship.

Other important things in a relationship include:

Compromise: Pick your battles, learn to agree to disagree, and work towards the bigger picture of a shared goal.
Commitment: In addition to being committed to each other, you should both make a commitment to a healthy relationship and actively work towards achieving that.
Trust: It’s tough to be fully committed to the relationship if you can’t trust the one you’re with. When you trust, you feel confident and secure.

One more?

Love your partner the way they want/need to be loved.

Love is a verb that requires action to be given. We each have our own way of receiving love that fills up our individual love bucket.

Our way of feeling loved. Completely and wholly.

It’s our love language.

What is your love language?

The five love languages, developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, are five different ways of expressing and receiving love:

acts of service
physical touch
quality time
receiving gifts
words of affirmation

Answering a few questions with a love language quiz could help you identify your love language, as well as your partner’s.

grab your relationship planner today!

give it to me!

How do you love someone in their love language?

Take the time to not only learn your partner’s love language but to understand it.

Is their love language different from your own?

Do they like to show love differently than they receive it?

The best way to know for sure? Again. ASK!

Talk about the ways you feel the most loved by your partner. The things you enjoy that show you they love you.

Then listen to how they feel loved and what they enjoy that you do.

Then, you’ll have a better understanding of ways to make your partner feel special, to feel appreciated, and to feel loved, based on their love language.

Do they need words of affirmation? Compliment them regularly and tell them, “I love you,” on a daily basis.

Do they prefer physical touch? Spend the day cuddling on the couch or simply hold their hand when walking together.

Is your gift of time the most precious thing to them? Plan a fun date night or quietly sit in the same room with them as they read a book. It’s all about being present.

Do they prefer tangible gifts? Set up a scavenger hunt with little trinkets all over the house to be gathered, or leave them a special gift on the bed tonight.

When you do a service for them, do they get all giddy? Take on one of the household chores they hate to do or offer to run an errand for them. They’ll love it!

Relationships should be a team effort. Yes, you absolutely deserve to get just as much out of the relationship as your partner, but you also get out what you put in.

I know! More clichés.

But, isn’t everything nowadays?

This is why you should work even more diligently towards creating a relationship that isn’t cliché.

A relationship that both you and your partner will enjoy, grow together in, and yearn for more.

What makes a relationship last?

Don’t get mad at me, but it takes W O R K.

There will be sacrifices made, mistakes made, and angry words spoken.

But, you can do it—together!

From the incredible words spoken in Hamilton, “Speak less. Smile more.”

Well, okay. Maybe speak less and listen more in this case.

When you can not only tell your partner what you need from them but can also listen to what they would like from you, you’ll be on a better path to building a lasting relationship.

grab your relationship planner today!

give it to me!