When they remind me to consider my own feelings, I cringe.

My poor therapist! They get a trauma brain dump each time we talk.

My husband will ask, “What are you going to tell them today?

I don’t know. I open my mouth and just wait to see what comes out.

This week, it was a lot! Not only everything from the past 2 weeks, but going back at least 30 years this time.

I also shared with them the story I posted last week about the day Avery was diagnosed.

About how much mom guilt I was carrying over my reaction to the news…

and the fact that I feel like I failed my kids by not being strong FOR THEM in that moment.

They told me not only was my reaction okay, but it was also normal for PTSD.

Hearing her diagnosis took me right back to my mom’s battle.

Still in the throes of that grief, Avery’s diagnosis hit us even harder.

Me, my daughter, and my sister. We saw and heard too much with my mom that this seemed unfair, wrong, and devastating.

But, they also reminded me that I need to acknowledge my own needs.

This has been an ongoing lesson in understanding for me since we began, but I’m struggling.

I’ve been a wife for almost 27 years and a mom for 26 years.

Even before then, I’ve never been a “me-focused” person.

Therefore, trying to learn how to practice self-care and take care of my own needs has been a struggle.

When they remind me to consider my own feelings, I cringe.

When they rephrase a story I share into how I could address my needs, I stop and say, “Wow! I’ve never looked at it that way.

Therapy can be a lot. But I’m incredibly grateful for all these amazing people that are helping us through the hard times.

Although I feel like I’ve been hit by a ton of bricks after some sessions, these truth bombs are what I need to hear to heal.

Keep doing the work, Y’all.

It’s hard but, from what I’ve learned so far, it’s definitely going to be worth it.

365 Days of Gratitude

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