I remember distinctly the day I heard of Steven Curtis Chapman’s loss of his daughter. It came just 7 short weeks after we lost our precious Baby Reagan. The pain was unbearable to fathom.

Even as I was still suffering from the loss of my unborn baby, I could not imagine the pain this family was going through.

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They had been able to hold their daughter… dance with her, talk to her, play with her, and truly bond with their child. My baby had just begun to flutter and I was the only one that felt that movement.

I had bonded with my child but I had yet to hold my baby outside the womb. I felt the pain was different and yet the same.

The loss of a child is something no parent should ever have to bear.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

~Psalm 34:18

Tonight {this morning} my heart is beyond burdened for some precious friends.

As I had to explain to my 5 and 7 year old princesses what exactly Heaven was and how their sweet friend Caleb would be going there soon, Caleb’s parents had to explain it to him.

On Monday they were given news that they had between 4 days and 4 weeks with their amazing son. They knew on Tuesday that Caleb needed to understand the homecoming he would soon be celebrating.

“Why?” and “I don’t want to die,” he said.

Even as an adult I ask the same question, “Why? Why this precious 5 year old boy?”

As I explained to my {already emotionally sensitive} 7 year old Princess JF, her first words were, “No, no, no, Mommy! Why?”

I couldn’t hold back the tears. I did not know the words but explained that God always has bigger plans.

“But, Mommy, I want to go meet Jesus with Caleb!”

As I held her tight I told her that I selfishly wanted her to stay here with me. She cried and cried as my 5 year old joined in.

After a while she quietly said, “His mommy is going to have a beautiful place waiting for her. But, Mommy, she is going to have to wait so long.”

“Yes, she has to stay here and take care of Caleb’s adorable brother. Caleb is playing in Heaven’s playground with our Baby Reagan and is going to be an angel watching over his family.”

“And us too?”

“Yes, Baby Girl, us too.”

It was so hard to explain, and yet I knew that Caleb’s parents had a much harder chore. My heart aches as my logical, analytical brain continues to make sense of it all. I know that I can’t.

We are not here to question God’s will, we are simply to put our faith in Him and believe that He will never leave us. I am not angry, but sad.

I do not question, but yet I seek His face. I am confused, yet I find peace in God alone.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

~Proverbs 3:5

Our entire city will celebrate Caleb tomorrow as the town has declared it “Caleb Day!” We will celebrate the opening season of baseball season in his honor.

The town will be covered in yellow and black.

Caleb was to have a police and fire escort and then throw out the first pitch, but asked his best friend to take his place. Several yellow balloons will be released into the sky to greet Caleb in Heaven.

Donations will be taken up throughout the week. I have begun collecting food for the family to fellowship together tomorrow afternoon.

A neighboring city is home to the MLS soccer club, FC Dallas, and they are honoring Caleb during half-time at today/tomorrow night’s game.

Although we all prayed Caleb would be here to celebrate with us, we know he has a majestic view and a pain free new body.

Rest in peace sweet Caleb. I rejoice in knowing you are resting peacefully in our Heavenly Father’s arms and you are no longer in pain. Your time on earth was short but your lasting impact on all those around you is forever.

We love you!

I've Got A Feeling

I took this picture Thursday morning when I was able to visit Caleb at the hospital. His dad turned on “I’ve Got a Feeling” for him and he began to do a little dance and tap his fingers. It was a precious moment I will forever hold dear to my heart!

365 Days of Gratitude

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