Mondays around here are always insane. I don’t know why but I always have a migraine by the end of the day (just took 2 Excedrin Migraine pills … waiting for them to “kick in” so I can lay down in bed without the pounding in the front of my head). It seems that with Colby here on the weekends, it evens up the parent:child ratio and things go smoother. On Mondays, we’re back down to that 1:4 ratio and I think they all gang up on me for no reason! At least that’s how I feel! Anyways, I was thinking today as I was doing some laundry about my life… just in general.
Sometimes I look at my life and ask, “Is this how I wanted my life to go?” As I was transferring clothes to the dryer and watching my two youngest (girls) play with a hot wheels car in the kitchen, I simply began to ponder what has become my life. I asked my self if this was how I had expected it to go? Was I truly happy with the way it turned out? (Perhaps I was still stuck on question #2 from the earlier post of the day). Nevertheless, I decided that I couldn’t be happier. Not really.
I simply couldn’t ask for a better husband. He is the love of my life, my everything. He works his booty off everyday to provide the best life he can for me and our children. He is amazing in every aspect of the word. My children? I still am in disbelief over having 4 some days. My hubby and I would sit on the curb in front of his house when we were dating and talk about “when we got married“ (remember, we were 15 and 16 years old) and the house and kids we would have. Almost 17 years later (wow … that seems like forever ago when I type it) I look at what we have and how God has blessed us beyond what we could have ever imagined way back then!
I wanted to become a pediatrician since I was in elementary school. It was probably a disappointment to my parents that I never fulfilled that dream … but I know they are happy with my life as it stands today. But, honestly, I planned out my entire school path towards that goal. Took all the right classes … Latin, AP Biology, AP Chemistry … whatever AP courses I could take to help cut the time I would have to spend in college. I graduated in the top 15% of my class (out of around 500). I went on to a nearby community college to start my basic courses (I didn’t apply for scholarships soon enough … had no one to guide me on any of this … college was not something many in my family did) … so I was having to pay my own way … plus had my own apartment by this time. After two years, Colby and and I got married … again, paid for our own wedding with assistance from my parents, and within 3 months got pregnant with our first daughter. I’ve never been able to go back … but in hindsight, I believe it would have been wasted money.
My social anxieties alone hinder my ability to interact on a daily basis with large amounts of people. Plus, once I held my daughter, I never wanted to let her go. With each child, the desire to be with them every step of their lives isn’t something I’m ready to let go of. I enjoy being home with my kids, most of the time. I relish the feeling it brings to me upon of hearing my 4 year old tell Daddy, “Mommy taught me my letters today.” I savor the thought that I was there for every first step, first word, first boo-boo … first whatever … I was there.
Thus, am I happy with how things turned out? Did things go as expected? Even though Mondays are complete chaos and madness around here, and I never became that well-respected pediatrician, I wouldn’t trade my life for the world (plus, with 4 kids, I still get to be a pediatrician as one of many domestic roles). Things aren’t perfect, but nobody’s situation really is. Colby can still make mistakes. My children aren’t the most well-behaved. I’m completely messed up. But, we have Christ in our lives, food on our table, a roof over our heads, clothes on our back … and love in our hearts. What more could anyone ask for?
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
– Psalm 16:11
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